Smile, Girl, Smile.

I haven't blogged in a few weeks because I've been excrutiatingly busy.

Where to begin?

There are so many things to talk about!

Most importantly, I went to church today for the first time in five or six years.

It was very nervewrecking at first, but I just felt like I needed to be there.

And Idid.

It renewed my love for God and the holy spirit, which is always good.
It felt right. I know that God is in working in my heart.

Today was the worst day I've had in a long time - I think since my freshman year of high school.

First, I met up with a teacher for my writing assignment. I woke up early to meet her, and then she was late. It was frustrating because I had class a half hour after she arrived.

I'm trying not to hold any type of grudge though because these things happen.
I'm glad that she wasn't hurt or in an accident or something.

Second, I blew up at my chemistry teacher. I have got to stop doing that. It's not productive. At all. Period. However, in my defense, this professor's teaching methods and my learning style differ drastically. As I am aware of this, I made it a point to get help from him. But, I feel as if he is not receptive to any of my needs as a student, which was the driving force for such intense frustration and tension. I've put in my effort, and will continue to do so, but it's irritating that I am paying a person who doesn't attempt to assist me in the ways that are necessary for my education.

Third, I have some kidney issue again. I am so stressed about it. I'm trying to give my worries to God. I know that there is absolutely no sense in becoming so frazzled and worried that I can't concentrate which is, in essence, what happened today. Thus, I have no concrete memory of any events following chemistry...A large problem, as I had three other classes.

Fourth, all of my anxiety hit today. All at once and in full force. I basically panicked all day long, for hours. I am physically and emotionally drained. Anytime that I opened my mouth today, I started crying. I tried so hard to focus on what, exactley, was upsetting me, and I couldn't come up with anything in particular. This fact led to more crying. I called three different people and blubbered to them on the phone. I'm a tiny bit disappointed in myself because I feel like I should have handled this better.

Fifth, I've overwhelmed myself. You know, when I was younger, I was told that I was too shy for my own good, and that I wouldn't have friends unless I was more outgoing. So, I think that I've tried to convince myself that I'm extroverted when I am most certainly not. I am, indeed, an introvert. I am friendly and nice to people, but I need time to reflect and process internally. I haven't been allowing myself that time to focus, and I can sense myself being irritable and ...unfocused. I need to spend more time alone, even if it means shutting myself in my room and staring at the ceiling.

Today has been rough.

Thank God that tomorrow is a new beginning.

God is good,

Kara